Janna and I were engaged for two years before we got married. Two years did not feel that long for us but apparently felt like an eternity for our friends and especially our family. “When is the wedding?” became the most common question from loved ones. Truth is, those two years went by fast for us. When not working we spent time exploring the country, cooking food, eating food, drinking beer, drinking wine, and just having a good time. There was no good reason for not getting married, it was mostly laziness on our part. Plus, we did not think getting married would actually change anything. For the most part we already were married.
In March 2017 I received a text from one of my best friends who said “House should be ready this summer for a few weeks if y’all want to use it for your wedding.” We couldn’t believe it! Ryan had a bought a brownstone in Brooklyn Heights a few years ago and had spent that time renovating it. His blood, sweat, tears and much capital were all invested in the house and somehow it just felt into our laps. Note to others, always befriend the most likely to succeed candidate in your childhood… it might pay off in your adulthood (or just be the most likely to succeed, whatever). Janna and I are both from the east coast and currently live in Los Angeles. For financial reasons we had always thought we would get married somewhere in California or Baja. A beach or redwood wedding seemed like the most accurate representation of us but those too were over our budget. So, when a 7 story newly renovated free venue opens up across country with just a few months notice you make it work.
We coordinated our wedding from afar in just 4 months. We did not do a walk through until the day before our wedding. Over the phone in March, Ryan made it seem like the house would actually be ready by May. As I was booking different vendors from 3000 miles away Ryan kept pushing back his own “completion” date. Ryan sent numerous pics of hard hatted construction workers working in a straight up danger zone on the daily. Of course I never told Janna about any of this. We had 100 confirmed RSVPs and she already had enough trouble finding a wedding dress and matching shoes.
Marriage always seemed like the inevitable conclusion with Janna and I so I was never nervous about taking the next step. But with all that was going on I felt an overwhelming anxiety take over a month before the wedding. On 3 separate occasions I had to excuse myself from the gym mid workout as I thought I was about to have a heart attack. I basically lived with a ball in my chest for 30 days. At one point I said to myself “just make it to the wedding and then you can drop dead.”
We arrived in Brooklyn the Thursday before our Saturday wedding which gave us 48 hours to prep. However, Ryan’s team was still busy working on the house up until Friday evening which in actuality meant we had 20 hours to make an empty house ready for 100 guests. The house was amazing. Our theme was a “Brooklyn house party BBQ wedding” and we encouraged people to “eat meat and get crunk.” For our friends, this theme was perfect but it did not do the house any justice. Ryan was super nervous about his floors so he requested, more like demanded, that it be a shoeless wedding. After Janna dropped lots of money on her first ever pair of suede Ferragamo heals I told Ryan that he could tell the bride to be that bit of news.
The morning of i was filled with anxiety. I have a long history in event coordination and as our own wedding coordinator I was too stuck in that mode instead of embracing the groom to be role. It didn’t help that we decided to do a non traditional ceremony with no wedding party. While Janna spent the morning with my sister getting her hair and make up done and pounding rose I was busy putting felt stickers on the bottom of the 80 rented folding chairs and 10 rectangular serving tables to ensure that Ryan didn’t lose his own shit to scratched floors. I would have been better served taking shots of tequila with some of my childhood friends. Days later recalling the events of the day one of my friends said “your wedding was awesome, you looked like the only person who was not having a good time!”
Guests arrived at 2pm and the ceremony wasn’t till 5pm which meant there was a sufficient amount of time for everyone to get crunked up. While most were getting loose I was running around in host mode making sure everyone was comfortable and putting out literal fires. We served BBQ in chafing dishes and one of the sternos set fire to the linen. Luckily we were able to put it out but I can only imagine if we burnt down the house. Thankfully Ryan was not there for this, by the way… my bad Ryan!
During the ceremony we stood in the back garden in front of our loved ones. Many of the pictures show me with my left hand firmly pressing my chest. I literally had to prevent my heart from jumping out of my body Alien 3 style. A few days before the wedding Janna and I had discussed our vows. With all the commotion of coordinating I had totally forgot to write anything. Janna claimed she didn’t have anything good as well. You can only imagine my surprise as she busted out her Ukulele and sang an original song. It was moving, funny, heartfelt and one of the most amazing moments of my life. Followed by one of the saddest moments when I improvised something about “Trusting the process” as a shout out to my beloved Philadelphia 76ers. But seriously, it’s no coincidence that our relationship has ran the same timeline as the 76ers much maligned tank job.
After the “fuck yeas” (instead of “I do’s”) I retreated to a corner and pounded a Six Point IPA and felt my body relax. Whatever anxiety had plagued me the last month had disappeared. I spent much of the previous months dismissing the notion that the wedding was a big deal. It felt like such a natural progression for Janna and I that I didn’t want to admit that I was anxious about it. It took me a few more hours after the ceremony to fully stop hosting. Around 9pm, after a few tequila shots and Aperol spritzs I was able to unwind and spend more than a few fleeting seconds with our loved ones.
Going into our wedding day I told myself that we were doing a different kind of wedding. I had heard many stories about the bride and groom not eating dinner, not enjoying the party, and it being a whirlwind day. I was determined for our casual BBQ house party wedding to be the antithesis of that experience. Alas, I now know that its unavoidable. However special of a day it is for the bride and groom its even more so for the friends and family as it gives them a great excuse to come together in the name of celebrating love and friendship. It was a great day for Janna and I… and from the pictures it looks like it was a great party!
Thankfully, we don’t have to field anymore questions asking us when we are going to get married… however those requests have now moved on to “so when are you going to have kids?” Wedding day... thats dope!
